TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
