Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
