I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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