I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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