dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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