Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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