and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I supernannyed him into submission
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
