Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize