6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize