This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize