Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize