First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
