I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
