I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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