normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
