I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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