Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
please come you make the beer taste better
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
