was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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