her facebook's as public as her vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
tell me about the eggs
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
