there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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