I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
