She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
