i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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