i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize