nut hugger
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
