I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need water and some morals
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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