eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize