if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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