She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
