he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
