1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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