Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize