i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
