You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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