She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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