angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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