I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
