Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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