Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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