Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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