I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
