we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
