I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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