He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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