im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
