last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
