You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize