Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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