Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
