the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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