Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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