I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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