My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
