Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
