True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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