White coat. Heels.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
