Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
