Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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