me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
