She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
