Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The air taste purple.
Randomize
