Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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