Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
