You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
