Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
